That moment when WebMD diagnoses you with a horrible, even deadly, disease. You’re sitting there, clicking on your symptoms, searching for possible answers and all you can think is, “Well, that escalated quickly.” If you look on their website for answers, you are pretty much guaranteed death. That, or some outrageous disease that only they could contrive.
Oh, you have foot cramps? Then you also have peripheral neuropathy.
Stomach ache? You are experiencing kidney failure.
Pain in your leg? It’s broken. (What? You didn’t see the bone sticking out?)
Do you have watery eyes? Seizure.
Bloating and fullness? That’s not indigestion, it’s colon cancer.
Sore knee? Better get it replaced.
And their symptom options are ridiculous too:
• Coffee grounds colored vomit (who comes up with this stuff?)
• Blinking eyes (is this not…normal?)
• Frequent chewing
• Giddiness (it’s called excitement…or you had too much coffee. Which could lead to the first symptom listed)
• Fruity odor (Yeah, that’s called perfume)
• Fear of air (…I got nothin’)
• Short stature
• Eyelashes falling out
• Sense of impending doom (well no wonder! Look at what website you are on)
WebMD has a simply wonderful way of making it seem like your life is ending. So get out and enjoy those last few days of life! Go and cross as many things off of your Bucket List as you can! And then in the next week, when you are still alive, go out and get another job. You’re going to need it to pay for the trips to Hawaii and Paris. And also that little skydiving adventure.
So you have two options:
1) Do not take medical advice from WebMD, or
2) Go sort out your belongings, kiss your loved ones, and choose what kind of funeral you want.
Life's Finest Moments 